Now, we??re all about the choice here at Chinesepod. Ken or Jenny? Brilliant podcasts or amazing personal learning center? The literary juggernaut behind these written intros or everyone else? So, in that spirit, we offer you another choice: Learn, in 12 minutes, how to read street signs to find someone??s home or simply learn how to trade mobile phone numbers. You still fancy the former? Fine, we??ll meet you in People??s Square.

Yes, we realize that the only 2 things you are ever pronounced in life are ???dead??? and ???man and wife???, but if you think that the 51% split rate is going to sway us from a lesson on the betrothed, then we??d better site irreconcilable differences right now. In this lesson, we unify spoken Chinese about marriage/divorce with the English explanation??a match made in the Temple of Heaven. Mazel tov.

???There??s a time for that??it??s in college.??? Now, before your mind wanders, we??re talking about taking a major. In this lesson Ken and Jenny take time from rushing poor pledges to lecture you in a beginner lesson. ???Thank you Chinesepod, may I have another?!???

Think you don??t need to talk about the internet? You??re positive? Okay, tell you what, think very, very carefully about your life sans web??no email, no news, no CHINESEPOD, ye gods! In this newbie lesson Ken (An Irish Spicoli) and Jenny (Our Little Surfer Girl) teach you how to talk about the internet. Cha, bra!

You could speak enough Chinese to your friends/colleagues/in-laws to get by without a lesson in trading email addresses. You could try and mime your way in asking (piano fingers and tongue clicking). You could simply call them every time you needed to speak. Or you could listen to a newbie lesson. Good choice, now, use that money you save by buying us presents (we??re a 33??34).

Using a previous lesson, you made contact via mobile phone with your colleague/friend and now you need to meet up at their office, but can??t, for the life of you, figure out why he/she keeps saying ???hao??? after the numbers. Perhaps you should ask for landmarks??oh, right. You don??t yet know how??but will.

So??.ummmm, hi??.I was??ahem, wondering (cough) if you??.ahhhh, are doing??anything tonight? Think that??s hard in your own language? Try it in Mandarin. In this socially awkward lesson, Ken (never does this, honest) and Jenny (doesn??t like you in that way) teach you how to invite someone to a meal.

???Some day, and that day may never come, I??ll call upon you?????if it??s good enough for Brando, its good enough for us. In this newbie lesson Ken (an Irish Johnny Fontane) and Jenny (never sides against the family) teach you how to ask for a favor.

You were *this* close to taking the Trans-Siberian Line from Beijing to Moscow (8 time zones!), *this* close from starting at Tiananmen Square and ending in Red Square??and what stopped you? You didn??t know how to ask for a ticket! Let??s remedy that today, shall we? All aboard, next stop: Chuga-chuga, chuga-chuga, Chinesepod! (Make a fist, put your arm at a 45 degree angle and pull down)

With so many people adopting from the mainland and Taiwan, it should come as no surprise that we have received an abundance of requests for ???baby lingo???-or basic talk to comfort the child who has just radically changed environment. In this lesson, Ken and Jenny walk you through your first (comforting) words.

Think the Von Trapp??s liked to sing? They got nothing! Wait until you get the Chinese invite to listen??which is anytime. So, what do you do after someone gives you a tune, offer up the same ???thanks??? you give a taxi driver or a proper ???you sing very well???? In this newbie lesson Ken and Jenny compose a lesson for the ages.

???Do a lesson on University major??s??? you said. ???Okay, here you go??? Chinesepod replied. (3 weeks past). ???Do another lesson on university majors??? you demanded. ???We already did one??? we responded. ???Do it NOW??? you shouted. ???You??re not the boss of me??? we informed. ???Yes I am??? came the curt retort??so now we see who??s bossing who??with lesson #2 on uni majors??meanie.

No doubt this question will be among the top 3 you??ll need to memorize??here they are, in no particular order:
1. What??s your name?
2. Where are you from?
3. Have you ever had the pleasure of meeting that clever ???lao wai??? that writes the wonderfully entertaining introductions to Chinesepod?

??your name you know, and until we have the pleasure, the only thing left is your ole stompin?? ground. In this newbie lesson, Ken and Jenny talk all about where you call ???jia???.

Fact: There are 1.4 billion people in China.
Fact: You don??t read enough to understand the bus schedule
Fact: This leaves you with the option of riding a bicycle or hopping on the back of an illegal motorcycle taxi.
Fact: You might need to know how to talk about being nervous

??in this Beginner lesson, Ken and Jenny, who are all about the fact, hold your trembling hand through a lesson on the ???shakes???.

Remember back in the day (insert nostalgic music here) when a tank of gas cost ya a nickel, ???George W??? referred to ???Washington??? and ???chatting??? was something done face-to-face? In this lesson, we tackle just that (the last one, as none of us drive here and another one of us is from Texas), chatting. Along with this newbie lesson, we also will teach you how to talk about other hobbies. What??s that? Oh, you??re welcome.