how to make this letter perfect?

my boss ask me to conncet with an old customer in Croatia with a e-mail:
,I\ v^Gi~9h+S
c)CN,i'w u#K'F? DEAR SIR OR MADAM, zC5J9j};Gp;Sf9r
IT IS FOR LONG TIME THAT WE HAVE NOT CONNECTED WITH EACH OTHER AND WE WISH THAT YOUR BUSINESS IS BETTER AND BETTER.
a2O7@,TMQ WE WONDER THAT  IF YOU ARE IN THE MARKET FOR THE GOODS THAT COVERS IN OUR LINES, PLEASE INFORME US ASAP.y`VN&}
WE WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR REPLY AS EARLY.| F,_hY&]KQ
YOURS SINCERELY
H{GP8z&|;C-H XIAO MEI MAKE SHOES FACTROY.
v8s,J$d*w/C.w2?b#p G
8Ms6?s5z:G%^ --------
:q
Y5S%vh I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THIS LETTER IS FITABLE OR NOT.
*s.FcU-s0ui THE CUSTOMER WE HAVE MAKE BUSINESS BEFORE,BUT NOW I AM A LITTLE FAINT ABOUT THE CUSTOMER.
$qQIH%Sl%T J0E+DX2Ef rS{vU2Z6gv
I WOULD APPRECIATE THAT YOU HELP ME!

I think at first you should ask your boss something about this customer, and the former connection informations, since so long not touch with each other, do they still remember your boss your factory. I think first you should simple introduce your facotry, mention about the former contacting circumstance; then tell them why not concact them recently. also some formula, some patterns. keeping touch with each other. It is not a hard thing for you, I think. If possilbe, after writing the e-mail, send a fax to them or directl call them.:victory:

Reply #1 qqtsp2004's post

maybe you can revise it... here is my suggestion:
q$NkA\ `(@e'X
M'\;@o
Good day Sir!
w;[orY*d
C M;uU
S9K/{BI1a4Bq L:_ It has been a long time since we have contact with you.  I hope your business is doing good.
2A#\V$F;MbN [
![{Ix&^/q+H/^ I would like to introduce to you some of our new products, that maybe in line with your business.
`]
q9J5}%?K td4g|+o,N&R
Please let us know if these products are of interest to you so we can give you more information.
\pD~7j ~h:L so-uuC"{&N6[
Looking forward to hear your reply.
hs7cwel0g(} :a8?q;V'E
P^'`%l
Thank you.

i agree with the two above. qqtsp,please write in small letter ,but not capital letter next time,for the capital letter is difficult to read.thanks!

Reply #2 jason168's post

you english is so good.would you mind please tell me you  MSN?

This letter is ok,just send it out

that's all right. do not worry about it.

I agree

oh, it is very kind of you , best wishes:)

in my opinion ,you should not use the capital letter in all of your letter.it's hard for reading.

i think this letter is very ok,just send it out ,do not worry.

i support "Abbyhu",the bit letter is too difficult to read,i always in left bed imprission about this email.

[quote]Originally posted by [i]camei[/i] at 2007-3-18 18:18
Da-m ET0fN maybe you can revise it... here is my suggestion:
x I6W%m]0g;L-O a L9PM/Z]ay"W
Good day Sir!2pt3Bg7RX kRU

o7\sk@#{3h It has been a long time since we have contact with you.  I hope your business is doing good. IX7u em3W Ou
8j5]\f3|hGm9p
I would like to introduce to  ... [/quote]3ST7j;^a0?
Excellent!!!!!!

Reply #1 qqtsp2004's post

Dear Madam/Sir:
Trk1H)]
C]7T{T~#l
Good Day.+H QZQ6VP:g

5f-n~;C jpP This is Abc from Xyz company. |-w8@r y&P

8D:G/M[i8dD@|fC] It has been so long since we have had the opportunity to
!k {PeN9z v:hXu be of service to you, that I have begun to wonder if3QtSWRJn9D
perhaps, we have offended you in some way in the past.
4T#jL9O8x:B
Gj u,k4s^? If this is the case, I would greatly appreciate knowing
w r G@ ~2H0a} what happened. In fact, if you have any grievance with
2c!O,} hA |tB our firm, I wish that you would call so that we might}?D@k)V4m,C0i
discuss the problem.w.X4g'q8N)T

p.IV$gw
RC g6@ We have introduced many innovations into our product lineUe7H"M&ZJ c@
since the last order you placed with our firm, and if the
j V6WL.M
e#A\)jy reason we haven't heard from you has nothing to do with auc4@B#FP
complaint, we would appreciate having the opportunity to
lB
i
d1t5hD j'jtl show you these innovations.
L9]C f&S7\%I0`_q
1FC.}gU"v jW
In either case, it would be wonderful to hear from you."NQB Tnz6H9XF

,?1cP?Gd2u!mX4{&C Thanks & Regards
V/c7o lZ$kO Abcg)Fj$Q(WS-{5f
Xyz Company

I think camei's reply is better!

if you want change,i think Camei's letter is better!and your leeter is good,if i am the custmor i don't like SwaninCn's letter .I am sorry i tell the truth!:L

Reply #14 Maggie1219's post

Ms.Maggie 1219 can you please give me reason!!!:o 1O1N t%b&j @f SOs
:)[b][size=4]Waiting[/size][/b]
k#Zsz9}(i x_ )g\(?e/]~,|
[[i] Last edited by  SwaninCn at 2007-5-21 12:59 [/i]]

I think camei's reply is better!lA6IjW
s*e5K-k

%D4{+auU|#PN 1uJB:C z+C$U
if you want change,i think Camei's letter is better!and your leeter is good,if i am the custmor i don't like SwaninCn's letter .I am sorry i tell the truth!a)VM(oo%j!n

:U2B$s*J^l?Tkxsc agree with Maggie

Reply #16 celiajia's post & Maggie1219's Post

Yes,Camei's letter is good.
^k5kOs*g 5M e)y|M$e.m
Regarding my letter,as we dont know the exact situation.but to regain customer's trust and  rebuild good relationship my letter will create wonders.I bet the customer will defenetely respond.'GE Y lH S$S'q

4c.k*Vj:M1Ld If the customer had some problem,we should find out and resolve them.
!x1_`W{7B~gO e*Q :X&Z3I j.Py utE
Regarding the customer who is not in touch with you in business for a long time,see do you think he wind up his business!!!   No,am I right?dhBGH3F
There might be some reason that he stopped business with you.May be the customer experienced any difficulties with shipping delays or he found better price than yours or any other reason.(bn!\i|~x,az
In either cases,I guess,the most important is your Customer,customer and customer.3K?yAg
Its easy to find customers but maintaining good relationship with the customer is more important than anything. losing a customer is the worst thing.8kE7RW/\'Q6mG E

.M ~EO#d5p The most-important contribution is the ability to regain the customer ?? if he or she ended    up satisfied (which usually happens 95 percent of the time) ?? and to create a hard loyalty    base by letting customers know that the executive team in the organization is not only aware of problems, but also working hard to resolve them. The simple act of talking to a customer on the phone or emailing has the capability to defuse the worse situations ?? and convert      almost-gone customers to loyal ones.
C#x
N^@JD*qC
$rG@ELmX3xC/x;v So,regaining the customer's trust and rebiulding the relationship should be the priority.%iH]8j2]

.x|ZtPjKt^ [[i] Last edited by  SwaninCn at 2007-5-26 02:22 [/i]]

i must improve my english:')

Dear Sir,f.Waq7C%`
FK"L7P

\~~g![
bF How are you? Hope you are doing fine with everything.
P| IH/e:r
9AkWkOQK^^8zR This is xxx from xxx company, who deals with the foreign trade in the sales department. Since we haven't got in touch with each other for a long time, I'm writing to see if you have well-received the email we sent to you before, and we are still waiting for your reply,so could you please get back to me some information about our products ? :c9Ek*m k"z

mu7N5f7_*B6z Any of your feedback will be highly appreciated.t!k8n,Pp:a)K
r"cY-|i^$W']$N
Thanks,ca0kmU Y$kirY

u b&w\,?Q Sincerely,~%eV,Q{2PL
xxx

[quote]Originally posted by [i]camei[/i] at 2007-3-18 18:18
O9Y(y2J&LrE;`P maybe you can revise it... here is my suggestion: ?+F [G M6P/CA7B
X2i,Mh x&o]1v hLy
Good day Sir!
1J9[5sGGkF)^(y d#v #`G]sxhZ}
o
It has been a long time since we have contact with you.  I hope your business is doing good.
&X@'O+o@ YJ dNqXH8\ Z M.n
I would like to introduce to  ... [/quote]FI6v2m*Mb
ago`ze
e
Excellent????????

Reply #17 SwaninCn's post

Dear friend,V;{gij v"B2\
       in my opinion,you have also an fluent expression,and your English is very good~:a\}N/}}^tQ:f L
     But,If I were foreigner,I will like a simple expression,and and your expression is very long ,the contents doesn't hit the mark...BEZ{%h3YG$k0z
.BO&CPpX+A
     I believe your excellent english,more power to you!

[quote]Originally posted by [i]camei[/i] at 2007-3-18 18:18
}:Mf0j X(i~ `.yP maybe you can revise it... here is my suggestion:
fO/Id#n&F ~'j
] DLgZ2f3N)zQ Good day Sir!(H*Yxp5F [fc

,Q?a&hc It has been a long time since we have contact with you.  I hope your business is doing good.
Z1gE5zw6m
j$BT*MG0o0k4W I would like to introduce to  ... [/quote]
*z3a/LPOn8`$G#C6bx
e"^m/~:}bzk I think this sample is very good for you. If I do this project, I will take this sample.
uK Qe8Dy4U"IS8F :)

I think it is perfect, but the capital letter you used in your letter is not very good.

sa;;yfly'letter is ok. But since the two company are old friends,you 'd better change your way of  greeting. They may more appreciate the way that seems more kind like "How are you
8RXGbx agDy going?" " How are your things going?" etc. The sentence "Hope you are doing fine with everything" is no need. I think this may more fit for their sustom. That is just my shallow opinion,please don't mind if I had any wrong in it.

SwaninCn is almost a master of this language

Mr. SwaninCn masters English quite well. But one thing we have to bear in mind is that English is also a foreign language to most Crotian People. They may read quite well, but we have to use simple expressions if we talk with them on the phone.

i found of SwaninCn's good english writing, likewise,  the caimei's simple english is the bussiness prefered